The Day the Penis asked for a Raise

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labour.
I work at great depths.
I plunge head first into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark work place that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely,

P. Niss

The Response

Dear Penis:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have
raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely, V.Gina

Being a bisexual kind of gal, I'm always a bit perplexed as to why people automatically assume that people of my persuasion what to jump their bones. An assumption of heterosexuality induces an air of calm. it seems. But, as soon as you hint that you swing both ways, all of a sudden things aren't the same.

Let me tell you all something right now: just because you're female, doesn't mean that I want anything from you other than friendship. Don't flatter yourself into thinking that you are that hot that I will be leaving a snail trail behind me whenever I'm in your presence.

I see the good old chain letter is still alive and well, and living on Facebook. Forward this message to 15 friends or you shall die a very painful and prolonged death....... blah blah.........

Seriously.

Why?

I shall post a new one! Oh yes, it shall be magnificent!

"Forward this message to 15 of your friends or FUCK ALL will happen! Seriously! I tried it twice and fucking nothing happened at fucking all!"